Love isn’t about the way a person looks, it’s about the connection you have with someone’s heart. It’s the butterflies you get in your stomach when you know you’re going to see them; it’s the comfort their presence brings you, without them saying anything. It’s knowing that you don’t have to doll yourself up all the time to impress them, because they’re impressed with the way God created you. They don’t love you because of the adornments you use to be fashionable or beautiful for a materialistic world.
Now, granted, this particular chapter in the Psalms actually deals with David’s repentance after he sinned against God with Bathsheba, but I find that meditating on it when I am depressed or anxious often helps to alleviate some of the struggle.
Today, I’m feeling great, and that knowledge can lull me into a false sense of security. It can cause me to forget the way I feel when it isn’t sunny and beautiful. Sunlight therapy isn’t enough, and neither is the medication I gave in and started taking two years ago. I need God to help me through this, the same way I need Him in every aspect of my life.
This is the first time in months I’ve had any desire to write. I fell off the blogging wagon, and when I fall off something I don’t just slip off. Instead I’m as graceful as a ballerina with two left feet and a club leg. I swan dive off that wagon, get my toe caught on the edge and end up belly flopping down a rocky embankment, landing with a gooey splash in the slimy remnants of a paper mill’s runoff.
Three days ago we scattered my father’s ashes in the Puget Sound. A place he’d always loved. The week leading up to the memorial was rough and emotions ran high with everyone. I wanted nothing more than to forget about the whole thing and keep my father’s ashes on my shelf, because as soon as they were removed from their place of honor, lonliness enveloped me. He’d been there since February, a constant companion in my home. It was time to let him go, but I wasn’t sure I was ready.
Since the day I got down on my knees and asked Jesus to guide me through this life, to save me from the person I’d become, and to fill me with his Holy and loving Spirit, I’ve seen my life change before my eyes. Some days are easier than others, but each day brings me…
When I chose FAITH, I didn’t know how it would affect my life. I just knew that after prayerful consideration I felt led to choose it. Through those five little letters I grew and changed just as the seasons around me did. I learned more about myself, about God, and about the wonderful strength having a little bit of FAITH can bring.
Each morning this week, after our one-on-one studies are completed, my kiddos and I take a break for some snuggles on the couch.
I’m sure you’ve seen or heard the saying, “When life gets too hard to stand, kneel”. I think I need to focus on that. No matter what is going on in your life, always remember to pray. Pray because you’re happy. Pray because you’re sad. Just remember to do it. I’ll make sure I remember…
Darkness was overtaking me and I felt like I was drowning in a pit with no way to free myself. I needed help in a BIG way.